Being Black in Tokyo (Part 2 – Black Women and Japanese Men)
Before I came to Japan, the one thing I didn’t want to be was unprepared.
Two weeks before getting on the plane to Tokyo, I might have gotten a little obsessive in my search for information on Japan. Useful language phrases, how to correctly use chopsticks (yes, there’s a correct way), how to make nikujaga, how to tie a kimono… and of course I spent hours upon hours locked in my room on Rosetta Stone pounding basic Japanese into my head, just to make sure I wouldn’t forget it when I arrived.
Maybe “obessive” isn’t a strong enough word.
However, no matter how much research I did on the internet, the one thing I could never find enough information on was how Japanese men feel about Black women.
And this was probably the question I cared about the most!
Do they think Black women are attractive? Are Black women “too curvy” for Japanese men? Why don’t I ever see Black women and Asian men together??
The information I found on the internet was very discouraging, to say the least. There were two types of websites.
The first type was always too open-ended. There were no personal testimonies of Black women in relationships with Japanese men. No data or statistics. Nothing but forums that asked “Do Japanese men date Black women?” … There were never any answers.
The second type was offensive and discouraging. These sites said Japanese men didn’t like Black women because we’re too dark, we’re not skinny enough, we’re too aggressive and blah blah blah.
However, I am happy to say, FROM MY EXPERIENCE, those awful websites are completely and utterly DEAD-wrong 
In my last note “Being Black in Tokyo (Part I – Racism),” I mentioned going to Kouenji and seeing the “Black music” section. Well, that’s not the end of the story:
After I had left the music store, I bought tacoyaki from a corner stand and sat down in a small, narrow alleyway to enjoy it. The sun hung in the air and reflected light onto the clustered housing in the distance. It was then that I realized it was already 5pm and that I had been in Kouenji for almost 3 hours. Before digging in to my tacoyaki, I took out my camera to take a picture.
Snap snap.
たこ焼き
Suddenly, I notice a Japanese man looking at me, standing about 6 feet away.
“Konnichiwa,” he said.
“Konnichiwa,” I said politely.
He bowed to me, awkwardly turned around, and quickly faced towards me again.
“D-doko kara desu ka?” he asked. (Where are you from?)
Unfortunately, I had not learned this phrase yet! Rosetta Stone had taught me another more formal phrase, so I had no idea what he was talking about! So I stumbled out a Japanese “annoo…” (umm…) and he hammered out a “where are you… frrom?”
After a very awkward greeting of broken English and broken Japanese, he asked me if I wanted to go have a drink with him–albeit, with hand-signals so I could understand him.
Of course, I said yes. This guy was cute, and after I saw all those discouraging websites, why not?
He lead me to his favorite coffee place and on the way there, I learned his name–Tatsu. Five minutes later, he was ordering me coffee and caramel cake.
We sat at a cozy table on the far side of the coffee shop. I slowly came to the realization that this place was a “date place”. The dim lighting, the soft music, the rich, cherrywood floors. Orange lighting from an overhead lamp blanketed our faces as words from other customers flowed around us.
コーヒー
He told me he was a photographer for a sports magazine, and that two of his main hobbies were boxing and photography. I told him I, too, had a passion for photography and that I wanted to write for a travel magazine. However, the most memorable thing Tatsu said to me was, “I saw you and I said, ‘Wow, cute girl! Oh, she’s a photographer! And she’s eating tacoyaki!’”
He was quite the charmer.
After coffee and cake, he showed me the local Pachinko parlor and the bookstore.
As we walked along the streets of Koenji, we tried to get to know each other. However, it was so bumpy because of the huge language barrier. He kept saying he wished he knew English, I kept saying I wish I knew Nihongo (Japanese). He said he wished he had his English dictionary, I said I wished I had my Japanese one. By that time, it was already 9pm and I needed to go home so he walked me to the train station and we said our goodbyes. But of course, not before taking pictures with each other’s cameras and exchanging email addresses.
In the coming weeks, we exchanged a few emails but unfortunately, it didn’t get any further than that. I believe the language barrier was too much for the both of us to handle. But all in all, it was still a great experience that I wouldn’t take back for anything. That was the day I learned Japanese men actually DO like Black women and they think we’re attractive. And I had only been here a mere two weeks for me to found out.
I think its important to point out that Tatsu was not some “exception to the rule” of Japanese men. He is not the only guy in Japan who likes Black women! There have been other guys who have told me I am “kawaii,” given me their business cards, and I’ve even been to the movies with a Japanese guy (who spoke English).
However, Tatsu was an exception because he actually came up and talked to me.
I may not have a lot of knowledge on the subject of Japanese men, but one thing I am sure about is that they are not known to casually approach a foreign woman and ask her out for coffee. Even if he knows English.
But not to worry, ladies. If you’re thinking about coming to Japan, and you like Japanese guys, the most important advice I can give you is: LEARN AS MUCH JAPANESE AS YOU CAN. (At the very least, conversational Japanese).
Language has been the thing I’ve struggled with the most here, not my race!
Communication is so important and my outing with Tatsu would have been much smoother if I knew Japanese.
Don’t worry yourself with wondering if Japanese men think Black women are attractive, because they do!
Don’t worry if you’re too shy to approach a guy.
It’s all about language. Trust me.
If your Japanese guy does come up to you, and you can’t talk to him, what good does that do??
Race is the least of your worries then, right? Right.
Very well written. This article helped me to understand that with any relationship, language is the key. I’m glad he turned out to be a nice guy and that experienced this with a sincere man.
Thank you for writing this. I’m going to Japan in the future for language school and always wondered this too (along with the getting my hair done problem). I was/am always worried that Japanese men wouldn’t like me because my skin is isn’t light, and no other websites could help. No one spoke from experience. I’m so happy I could hear this from a fellow black women that has had first hand experience.
Time to power study my Japanese ^ ^
This experience is definitely a one of a kind!. lol. This is something that I have always wondered myself, because I’ll be going over there this coming spring and just figured that Japanese men didn’t like black women so I was just sort of throwing the whole idea out the window. It is nice to know that my thoughts are completely wrong! I will definitely study up on my Japanese because I want to be able to have a conversation with everyone!!
Thank you for writing about this. I feel I share your experience of being a rare girl really attracted to Asian men, and always wondering how they feel about me. I am 6ft and quite outgoing, something even men here in California seem to find intimadating, not to mention the Asia-born Asians.
And through my own bumpy experiences of trying to make relationships with them work, I’d agree and say communication is key, but I’d add that believing in yourself is more important. this may sound silly, but if you are always out there for a man to accept you for yourself, you’ll never accept yourself. (For a man to have asked you out like that out of the blue is SO RARE in japan, I can’t tell you enough how lucky you are to have met a man so forward！もっともっと日本語を勉強してください～！keep practicing your Japanese, you’ll be amazed where it will take you (^^)
This article has given me a lot of relief. it is hard to find information on this issue but from your experience i don’t need to wrroy any more ^_^ i better get me some japanese classes
Hi I am writing you, because I am mixte: Black from my ｍother and white from my Father: If I say this it is because I do not have a Japanese s skin!
I am in Japan since two weeks, and I had a lot of prejudices about Japanese man.I was thinking that never they will try to seduce a black women! Sorry! It is true that never in movies you will see a black woman with a Japanese Man>
But in the reality, a lot of them open minded about meeting a black woman: but since I am in Tokyo, I did not see any other BLACK Woman: that is the problem.
Other thing, since I am here, I had been invited by two Japanese men in different days.
Also Yesterday, I came out and I want to a Japanese Night club, I thing I was maybe the only one foreigner. Also I do not speak well Japanese.
Yesterday I was surprised. I can not tell you the number of man who tried to speak with o to invite me to drink something.
First, When I came to the night club, I remember that during the first hour, neither man came to talk to me. I was just looking people and the true, i was felling strange and really alone.
Then, a japanese man came, and we talk,He spoke english but I think once others japense saw us speaking, maybe they were thinking that they could speak with me.
And once, “my new friend” decided to see his friend: PUF! The situation was really strange because in just less than one hour, I meet a lot of Japanese: but everytime they tried to speak with me and saw that it possible, they used to see ” Sumimasen ( sorry) and go!
Buuuuuuuuu
But I am really optimistic!
And in generally, they look really gentlemean and sympatic!
love this.. thanks so much for writing. I’m only 17 and have a strong interest in this..
I’m going to start learning japanese so I get a head start
Thanks soo much!
This story reminds me of my time in Tokyo last summer. I was doing a study abroad program at Sophia University and went out for lunch with my Indian friend. We decided to try a new restaurant and ended up at an Italian place close to school. We ordered a pizza to share but it was really small so we decided to order another pasta dish. There was only one other person eating in the restaurant at that time so the chef brought out the pasta to us and made a joke that Americans eat more than the Japanese. The three of us ended up chatting for maybe 2 hours. His name was Masaya. He was also a university student and was interested in traveling abroad but was worried about his English. We spoke in a mish-mash of Japanese and English and when we left he gave both of us his card and told us to call him so that we could hang out again. Unfortunately when we tried to go to his restaurant again they were closed for a holiday. I called him on our last night in the city to go out for drinks but my Japanese was so bad~ I don’t think he understood what I was saying without the accompanied hand gestures. Although we didn’t end up seeing each other again, my friend and I were so happy that we found a Japanese guy interested in black and Indian women.
I’m sure that when I go back (after practicing my Japanese) I will be able to make more friends and hopefully meet a nice guy.
Thank you so much for sharing ladies. My sister and I love Asian men and we plan on going to Tokyo soon. This post was more encouraging than I can even tell you.
Thanks again
Wow thank you very much for this blog because i was very worried if japanese men liked black women.It really helped me very much because i was let me change that I AM moving to japan when i get older.Your blog helped me cause the other websites said mythes things like we were blow them too fat or overweight or to dark.Thank you!
Wow thank you very much for this blog because i was very worried if japanese men liked black women.It really helped me very much because i was let me change that I AM moving to japan when i get older.Your blog helped me cause the other websites said mythes things like we were blow them too fat or overweight or too dark.Thank you! : ) now i have to go and learn some more japanese!